i feel scattered. not centered. little bits of me here, little bits of me there.
i know i am not unique. i see it all around me, people struggling to keep it all together, stay focused, stay on course, on path, pointed in the right direction. and that gives me comfort.
but I feel scattered.
for instance, online. it mirrors my life IRL perfectly. little bits of me here, little bits of me there. i have this blog, 2 other blogger blogs, my nerdfighter blog, my old 43 things spot, my old facebook profile, my flickr photos, my picasa albums, my rss feeds. my gawd. i'm scattered.
i want to pull ALL those little pieces of me together. here, and irl, but i have a feeling that if i take the steps to pull all the online parts of me together, maybe the in real life me will feel more patched back together. i'm ok with being patched. i like patchwork.
anyone heard of armybrat syndrome? not sure it's officially called that, but you get my point. in one discussion with a therapist we discussed this theory that children who move around a lot and change schools, make new friends (easily or not), continually being uprooted and part of a moving family often continue to pattern that as adults. few roots, the rolling stone gathers no moss types. the entire time the family just keeps moving, the kids are learning what it is to be a nuclear family (if they stayed together), but never learning what it is to have long term relationships outside of that. to generalize, some then tend to move freely and easily from situation to situation needing constant change yet craving stability. some need to keep moving, changing. duh. we do what we know. but it's bigger than that. we feel disconnected. connections, friends, get lost with each move. and so as adults, we mimic this. i mimic this. in most areas of my life. and so i feel like i just can't Be. can't sit still. and i so want to.
in an effort to consolidate and obliterate the many loose ends that are making my mind cluttered and scattered all at once, i am going to start to repost some of my other blog pieces here. as a way of doing some web housecleaning like. it'll be interesting to see all my web personalities come together, i think. it'll be cleansing, at the very least, with more posts!
ok, enough of the deep crap. i'm 1/2 through making a vintage suitcase a table! i'm super excited to share, but not much to share yet! i still need legs for it and to finish the top but luckily live within walking distance to Ikea and Lee Valley Tools, so slap my ass and call me judy, i am one lucky gal.
+ have a wonderful sunday
♥ leel ♥