Saturday, May 1, 2010

aka

today is the day i was born, 37 years ago. 1973.
i had a name. it was Tina Fuller. nobody except my mother knew it though.
she never touched me, she says, just saw my face as i was rushed out of the room.
for a while i lived in the hospital.
for a few weeks i lived with foster parents.
i wish i knew what they called me. who they were.
.
one day in late june i became Keeley D.
became part of my family.
i married and kept that name.
it is who i am.
.
but i always wonder about Tina.
and that other baby, who had another name for a few weeks.
and the father who knows nothing of any of it.
this year i really want to say happy birthday to them all.
.
i'm not sad. i mean, i love my life. my adoptive family. my husband.
i celebrate this day. but i do wonder about it all for a few moments on this day every year.

leel

4 comments:

LazyBones said...

Wow, very powerful post. Happy Birthday to you, and to the baby Tina who you once were. The wondering is a way of honoring the process that made you who you are today. Great writing.

Jeff said...

You are loved.....I understand your thoughts.....yet to me...it matters not who you were or are or will be....I LOVE YOU....

Heather Plett said...

I'm slowly but surely trying to catch up on blog posts and I see that I missed your birthday! Hope it was good!

And hey - great people were born in May! (Including me. :-)

firstofmany said...

Yeah, birthdays. Does my birth mother think of me on that day? Does she remember? Mother's Day gets me, too. But I have the register book from my first adopted mother's funeral. And I usually go thru it and wonder about all those people that signed it and who were they to me and where are they now and did they really know me or would they know me if I saw them on the street.

I think it's the longing for a connection that is different from any that I already have, fed by the idea that blood is thicker than water and that some how biological family is "real" family.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails